"Speaking Democrat: A Primer"

WASHINGTON D.C. -- Congressman Thaddeus McCotter (R-MI-11), House Republican Policy Chairman, recently took to the House floor to translate Democrat speech for the rest of America in a speech entitled “Speaking Democrat: A Primer.” The video and text of McCotter’s remarks are below:
Click here to watch video
(text of charts found below)

In the interest of legislative process, whereby we hear many speeches on the floor, many members talk to their constituents; I'm going to try to bring a bit of enlightenment to this process with the use of a technological device as a ruler and chart. We're going to learn how to speak Democrat today.

Speaking local Democrat. Often we hear the word progressive, which translates into regressive, as used in a sentence, democrats are progressive. The translation, Democrats are regressive.

We hear the word change which means the 1970's. Democrats will bring you change. Translation, Democrats will bring you the 1970's.

Government means socialism. Democrats support proactive government. Translation, Democrats support proactive socialism.

Enhance revenues translates into raise taxes. Democrats will enhance revenues. Translation, Democrats will raise taxes.

This is my favorite part. The rich means you. For example, Democrats will only tax the rich. Translation, Democrats will only tax you. Ouch.

Invest translates into waste. Again used in a sentence. Democrats will invest your money. Translation, Democrats will waste your money.

Energy means lethargy. Democrats have an energy policy. Translation, Democrats have a lethargy policy.

Green collar jobs translates into unemployment. Democrats will replace your blue collar jobs with green collar jobs translates into Democrats will replace your blue collar jobs with unemployment.

Speaking global Democrat. Diplomacy equals magic. Democrats will protect America from Iranian nukes through tough principled diplomacy translates Democrats will protect America from Iranian through tough principled magic.

Engage means appease. Democrats will engage America’s enemies. Translates, Democrats will appease America’s enemies.

Importantly, end means lose. Democrats will end the Iraq war. Translation, Democrats will lose the Iraq war.

And finally, Contextually Construing Electoral Democrat, i.e., walking the party plank. This is a graduate level course.

As a progressive party, Democrats will bring you change to the production of green collar jobs and by using diplomacy to engage into diplomacy and end the Iraq war.

Translation, as a regressive party, the Democrats will bring you the 1970's by using socialism to raise taxes from you to waste in the production of lethargy and unemployment and by using magic to appease America’s enemies and lose the Iraq war.

I hope this exercise has been instructive...

***** text of presentation ******

“Speaking Democrat:” A Primer

 

Speaking “Local Democrat”

“PROGRESSIVE” = “REGRESSIVE”

“Democrats are progressive.”

Translation: “Democrats are regressive.”

“CHANGE” = “THE 1970s”

“Democrats will bring you change.”

Translation: “Democrats will bring you the 1970s.”

“GOVERNMENT” = “SOCIALISM”

“Democrats support proactive government.”

Translation: “Democrats support proactive socialism.”

“ENHANCE REVENUES” = “RAISE TAXES”

“Democrats will enhance revenues.”

Translation: “Democrats will raise taxes.”

“THE RICH” = “YOU”

“Democrats will only tax the rich.”

Translation: “Democrats will only tax you.”

“INVEST” = “WASTE”

“Democrats will invest your money.”

Translation: “Democrats will waste your money.”

“ENERGY” = “LETHARGY”

“Democrats have an energy policy.”

Translation: “Democrats have a lethargy policy.”

“GREEN COLLAR JOBS” = “UNEMPLOYMENT”

“Democrats will replace your blue collar jobs with green collar jobs.”

Translation: “Democrats will replace your blue collar jobs with unemployment.”

Speaking “Global Democrat”

“DIPLOMACY” = “MAGIC”

“Democrats will protect America from Iranian nukes through tough, principled diplomacy.”

Translation: “Democrats will protect America from Iranian nukes through tough, principled magic.”

“ENGAGE” = “APPEASE”

“Democrats will engage America’ enemies.”

Translation: “Democrats will appease America’s enemies.”

“END” = “LOSE”

“Democrats will end the Iraq War.”

Translation: “Democrats will lose the Iraq War.”

Contextually Construing “Electoral Democrat”
(i.e. Walking the Party Plank)

“As a progressive party, Democrats will bring you change by using government to enhance revenues from the rich to invest in the production of energy and green collar jobs; and by using diplomacy to engage America’s enemies and end the Iraq War.”

Translation: “As a regressive party, Democrats will bring you the 1970s by using socialism to raise taxes from you to waste in the production of lethargy and unemployment; and by using magic to appease America’s enemies and lose the Iraq War.”